Equals

4:27 PM Sarah 0 Comments


God created men and women to be partners with neither being above or below the other in power.  When we understand that we were created to have different responsibilities but one purpose, we can grow together and accomplish all that God has asked of us.  Our families run smoother when we are working as one.  Our children learn how to work, love, forgive and sacrifice when they see us demonstrating these things.

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  When we make our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ the center of our lives, we gain strength from them as we strive to live righteous, peaceful lives.  Having separate responsibilities does not mean that we do not help each other.  It does not mean that one person’s contribution is more important or valued that another's.  It means that our loving Heavenly Father designed us both with divine attributes that make us best suited for the jobs he has asked us to do.  Husbands and wives who are devoted to God and to each other can have peace and happiness amid the chaos of the world when each is doing their best to fulfill their responsibilities to their spouse and to God.

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Safeguarding our Marriages

4:58 PM Sarah 0 Comments


It has been said by modern day prophets, that "Infidelity is one of the greatest sins of our generation." 

This week we have been studying the principles of purity within marriage.  I have been very intrigued by the readings we have had this week on the issue of emotional infidelity.  I think it is so widely believed that as long as we do not participate in any physical act, we have nothing to be worried about.  We have not committed a sin against God or our spouse. 

We have been warned time and again that Satan wants nothing more than to destroy families.  He will use any means necessary to accomplish this task.  He does not care which straw actually breaks the camel's back as long as it gets broken.  A quote from Goddard's chapter really stuck out to me on this topic.  He said "today Satan attacks us with subtle and indirect means.  He gets us inappropriately close to someone who is not our spouse under the guise of missionary work, friendship, or helpfulness.  He subtly builds inappropriate emotional bonds while quieting our consciences with weak rationalizations." 
 I'll always have my heart be a little broken.:

It is alarming to me to know just how many people have been through this very situation.  Even more alarming is how many never even realized it was happening.  In hindsight it is so clear and each step can be quickly identified from thoughts to feelings to actions.  

The good news is that we are not helpless in preventing this.  When we keep our spirits in tune and we stay close to the Lord, we will be aware of possible problems.  We will be careful to guard our selves and to take responsibility for the messages that we give to others.  Ultimately, we will have hearts that are full of charity, which is the pure love of Christ and this will endear us to our spouse and to the Lord.  I think what happens, is that at the end of the day, we will care less about what others think of us and more about what He thinks of us.  With this mindset, we are well prepared to safeguard our marriages.

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Charity

10:16 AM Sarah 0 Comments

"When I come to my evening prayers and try to reckon up the sins of the day, nine times out of ten the most obvious one is some sin against charity;  I have sulked or snapped or sneered or snubbed or stormed.  And the excuse that immediately springs to my mind is that the provocation was so sudden and unexpected: I was caught off my guard...[Yet] surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is is the best evidence for what sort of man he is.  Surely what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise is the truth.  If there are rats in the cellar you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly.  But the suddenness does not create the rats: it only prevents them from hiding.  In the same way the suddenness of the provocation does not make me and ill-tempered man: it only shows me what an ill-tempered man I am.  The rats are always there in the cellar but if you go in shouting and noisily they will have taken cover before you switch on the light.  Apparently the rats of resentment and vindictiveness are always there in the cellar of my soul." - C.S. Lewis

This quote really had me thinking about my start-ups this week.  What do they say about me?  How do I behave when I am "caught off my guard"?  I would like to think that I am kind and understanding, but I know full well that that is not often t he truth.  This behavior is in such stark contrast to the behavior of the Savior and the way He asks us to behave.  It makes me realize just how much we need His help.  We need to pray daily for Him to bless us with strength and understanding in our marriages. 

Like C.S. Lewis, we must take responsibility for our actions-irregardless of provocation, and come to the Lord with a broken heart that is open enough to accept the help and understanding He offers us. 

I believe that marriage is ordained of God.  I believe that He wants us to succeed and have peace and joy in our marriages.  He stands waiting and willing to provide us with guidance to achieve it. 
"The future of this world has long been declared; the final outcome between good and evil is already known. There is absolutely no question as to who wins because the victory has already been posted on the scoreboard. The only really strange thing in all of this is that we are still down here on the field trying to decide which team's jersey we want to wear." Jeffrey R. Holland:

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Managing conflict

10:08 AM Sarah 0 Comments

Dr John Gottman explains in his book "the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" that the first step
 to resolving conflict in a loving relationship is to "Soften your start-up".   Back when we were learning
 about the four horsemen, Dr. Gottman explained that the first indicator that a marriage is in trouble is not 
if a couple is fighting or even what they are fighting about, but how they are fighting.  He says that a 
harsh start-up is the first indicator of trouble.  Start-ups are the way we bring up a topic to discuss with our
 spouse.  If we begin discussing a frustration we have with our spouse by blaming, being sarcastic or 
raising our voice, we have basically opened the front door and invited the four horsemen in.  When we
 begin with a harsh start-up, our spouse is more likely to become defensive, to fight back and to have hurt
 feelings.  If we really want to improve our marriage and solve our problems, we have to start by 
softening our start-up.
 Stephen Covey said, "Seek first to understand then to be understood." Use this quote to teach your family the importance of effective communication.:
How do we do this?  Dr Gottman has a few suggestions, one of which is "complain but don't blame".  
Another is "Make statements that start with "I" instead of "you"."  I think these are two great ways to 
soften our start-ups.  For example, one of the things that comes up often in my own marriage is my 
frustration with how distracted my husband can get especially during times when I could really use his
 help, like when the kids first get home from school.  Being that he is home during this time most days, it 
is very helpful to have two of us tackling the four children that are all now wanting our full, undivided 
attention.  Often he will become distracted and decide to start a project our in the garden right before the
 kids get home and become totally oblivious to what is going on inside and I am drowning in pleas for 
help with homework or this, that and the other.  If I approach the subject with my husband by raising my
 voice and saying "you never pay attention and help with with the kids when they get home, can't you 
remember what time it is?!"  He is going to get upset and defend himself - rightfully so.  However, if I
 talk a min and walk outside and calmly say "hey, the kids just got home and I am feeling pretty
 overwhelmed, would you mind coming in and helping me?"  He will always drop what he is doing and
 dive right in with help. 
If we can recognize how powerful start-ups can be, and that we can control the atmosphere of the
 conversation by softening our approach, we are much more likely to have a positive outcome and our
 ability to successfully solve our problems will only get better with practice.  What are some ways you 
could improve your start-up?

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